Communication

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Certain attitudes can also make communication difficult. If you want to truly communicate, as opposed argue, make sure that you are open to learning. If you check in and discover you are not open because of emotions or that you have an agenda, then you either need to shift your intent from being a controlling “listener” to an open communicator or temporarily delay the communication. You may need to tell each other that for now we cannot talk about this because we are “stuck” in a mode of unhealthy communication and need to try again when settled and ready to try being open. If you find yourself repeatedly stuck then you can only do what is healthy for yourself and your own well-being… and do the best in doing what you feel it is right for everyone involved. Realizing at least for the moment, you need to stick to what needs to be done.

Help One Another

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Today I am speaking out about something that is often swept under the rug and it’s quite upsetting each time I think of it.

This world, and our fellow human inhabitants have a lot tolerance and acceptance for a lot of crap.

Sexual abuse… I understand that it is widespread and so many people go on to live their lives having dealt with it, it can be devastating in ways that some people who have never experienced it and don’t understand.  Also, each person’s story is different making it difficult to lump it all into a simple way to understand it as a specific issue.

When a child, or a teen doesn’t come forward with their problem being which they have been abused (depending on age, and other factors) it is sometimes because they don’t even understand what is happening to them or why.  Other times they understand exactly what is happening but are afraid to say anything – this could be because they are afraid they will be blamed, or that they will be told they are liars, or because they are afraid that something bad will happen to them or to someone they love just for simply have spoken out about it.

Very sad is that often the “victim” (I typically don’t use that word because I feel it sometimes creates even more of a set-back the healing process) is dealing with the act of the abuse in a healthy way but the main problem often becomes that their relationships change because of the people who either don’t want to accept that this could have possibly happened..

Parents and caregivers… please trust what your children are telling you. And try to set get through the denial and the feeling that it is somehow your fault.  It is the direct fault of the abuser.

Don’t let a person who has been abused suffer furthermore by neglecting them, their feelings or sweeping it under the rug.

And by all means trust each other and learn to trust yourselves.

Even the abuser is not always a *bad* person – they sometimes have been abused too… and need help.  Sure sometimes the abuser is simply a horrible person… but it’s never a black or white situation.

We all need to help each other – don’t spread any further hurt.

People live through years of self-hate and feeling damaged simply because they feel that people see them as an insecure victim – the people who they know and love… the people that they should be able to trust.

While, I am not a professional, I know this issue… and if you want to talk about it please feel free to contact me.  I cannot promise I will fix you all up!  But I promise to listen and to help you find the resources you need. So, if this speaks to you, whether you are a small child or a grown adult contact me via my blog.  comments are moderated so they are not public. I will reach back out to you. You can also message me on Facebook or Twitter. Just look for my name: Phyllis Ida Concordia

Kick It Out

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“A good rule of thumb is that whatever someone says or does to you, it’s not about you… it’s about them, what they see in the mirror, and how they see the world. Don’t let a person’s sense of what they perceive to be their value of you impose on your own sense of self-worth and abilities. Give these people a gentle nudge (or maybe even a firm kick) out the proverbial door.” ~ Phyllis Ida Concordia

Beautiful Child… Happy Birthday To My Mom

You are missed and loved so very much… this winter is especially cold without you here.

Music: Fleetwood Mac – Beautiful Child

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Just Some Inspiration To Go Kick Some Ass

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“The one who falls and gets up is bound to become so much stronger than the one who never fell. It is natural to seek out approval and secure yourself a cheering section but the ones who choose to keep working at things without clinging to someone to help make things happen are the ones that have a fire inside themselves. These people do not or possibly cannot rely on someone else’s fire or encouragement… so there they are – kicking ass all by their self. There is where you find a truly strong and spirited person!” ~Phyllis Ida Concordia

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The Song Of A Heartbeat

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Mothers have a place in our hearts always, sensing their heartbeat is a like a song that fills us with warmth, security and a feeling of belonging… a Mom keeps each of us within herself until we are born into this world – our Mom’s are our very first safety… there is no need to learn to trust – there is no learning to love – it’s simply and naturally there between us.  With so much love that remains when our Mom’s heart ceases to beat and to comfort us physically we in turn have the chance to keep our Mom safely inside ourselves while our heart beats for the rest of *our* life.  And then the love, it’s hard to keep inside.  Wouldn’t the world be a greater place if we lived with the intentions of a Mom… the pure intentions, the uncomplicated intentions?  We need to give the extra love that was part of our Mom’s physical presence and purposefully send that into the world… pass that extra love to your families and to your friends… and to people we come across from day to day who we don’t even know. Whether you are a Mom or not… we should hope for our own heart beat to be a comforting song to those we love and for the things we do or say to bring hope and love into everyone’s world.  Never forget the very first thing that your Mom did for you, even before birth… which was to nurture, protect and love, extend that into the world… and it can only be a better place for all.  Smile… choose loving words, laugh at yourself… learn… laugh more, love… care.  Forgive.  Breathe. Make all of your of the heartbeats that remain inside you, a song of love. ~ Phyllis Ida Concordia

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